


The Three Time Pigs and the Wee Wolf

by Nehszriah



Series: Fae and Fantasy Doctor Who AUs [8]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fractured Fairy Tale, Prompt Fic, fairy tale, lots of rhyming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 20:26:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7698274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nehszriah/pseuds/Nehszriah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For an anon on tumblr who asked for "a whouffaldi version of "If you were one of the three little pigs, and I was the big bad wolf, instead of blowing your house down, I would blow you kisses. And I would, like, wink at you and shit" ".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Three Time Pigs and the Wee Wolf

**Author's Note:**

> Just to be fair, I'm not against Souffez or Allonswin, but the prompt was for Whouffaldi, so here we are.

Once upon a time, there were three Time Pigs who crash-landed their spaceship on Earth. Since they needed a place to stay while they were rebuilding their blue, boxy ship, they decided to build a shelter, though they couldn’t decide on what to build it out of.

The first Time Pig wanted to build their shelter out of straw. There was a field nearby where they had crashed and there was plenty in it. He said it would be a little wibbly-wobbly, but that wouldn’t matter, since they weren’t going to be staying for long.

Then the second Time Pig suggested that they build the structure out of sticks. A forest was next to the field, and it wouldn’t be stealing if they took building materials from there instead. He wanted to make sure that he would still be allowed over to the neighbor’s house, as he had fish sticks and custard with the daughter the night they crashed, and he was very grateful.

It was the third Time Pig, however, who decided that they were going to build the shelter out of bricks. He saw that was what the local buildings were made out of, and there was no telling how long they’d be there. It would be a bit more work, but it would entail having a workshop outside of the ship and a place to call their own, being that they were sharing the planet with those already there, and they would possibly want to come back.

The three Time Pigs argued late into the night. Since they were unable to come to an agreement, they decided to each build their own, since traveling together for so long made it so that each having their own space was probably a good idea.

In the morning, each Time Pig got to work on their respective houses. The first Time Pig’s house was done before lunch, and he was sitting in the cool shade drinking a banana daiquiri. Teatime rolled around and the second Time Pig’s house was complete, and he was able to rest before going over to visit the neighbor girl for dinner. It was the third Time Pig’s house that took the longest, however, as he was still layering mortar and brick together well into the night. He wasn’t done until dawn broke the next day, much to the amusement of his fellow time-and-space travelers.

That afternoon, a wolf came upon the three little houses while out on her walk. She found the Time Pigs interesting, though also thought that their houses were silly; they were all shaped funny and seemed structurally-unsound. They were _clearly_ from out of town, so she decided to play a little prank on them. She walked up to the first Time Pig’s house and knocked on the door.

“Time Pig, Time Pig, can I see your homestead?”

“Not by the hairs on my sticky-uppy head,” came the reply from inside.

“Then I’ll show you how your house is hanging by a thread.”

The wolf circled around the house, searching for the perfect place to enact her plan. When she found the perfect strand of straw, she yanked it out, watching as the house collapsed all around the Time Pig. She chuckled and watched as he ran in a panic towards the second Time Pig’s house in order to take shelter.

On her walk the following day, the wolf came upon the two remaining houses and began to feel badly for how she acted. She went to the second Time Pig’s house and knocked on the door.

“Time Pig, Time Pig, would you let me in?”

“Not by the hairs on my rather large chin!”

Now this irritated the wolf, as she was merely on a peace mission. She hummed to herself some Duran Duran and circled the house. Nudging the one corner with her snout, she upset the entire building, making it collapse as well. The Time Pigs skittered over towards their friend’s house so that they could hide, but were kicked out almost immediately. While it seemed curious that they should get kicked out of their friend’s place and run into a small blue box, the wolf didn’t seem to mind and continue going.

It was tempting to not go by the remaining house during her walk the following morning—it really was—but somehow she found herself being drawn to the little brick dwelling. It seemed different than the other two, so she knocked on the door.

“Time Pig, Time Pig, can I know why you’re here?”

“Not by the hairs growing in my old Time Pig ear!”

“ _Why though?_ ” the wolf asked in a pout. The door opened and the Time Pig stuck his head out.

“Accident,” he said before popping back in and closing the door. Even though it was quick, the wolf saw how handsome the Time Pig was… you know, for an alien. The other two had been alright, but there was something about this particular Time Pig that interested her further.

The wolf went home and pondered for the remainder of the day. Early the next morning, she went back to the brick house, knocking on the door again.

“Time Pig, Time Pig, why such a frown?”

“Aren’t you only here to tear my house down?” he growled. “Get on with it! I haven’t got all day! I saw what you did to the houses of sticks and hay!”

The wolf huffed in irritation and stood in front of the door, refusing to budge. As roughshod as the brickwork was, it would still hold up to any of her antics, so why be so cross? It’s not like he took in his fellow Time Pigs, after all.

“Time Pig, Time Pig, you are such an arse.”

“At least you know this isn’t a farce.”

“…and you, Space-Sir, have manners that are sparse.”

At that, the door opened and the Time Pig poked his head out once again. He looked at the wolf; she was incredibly cute and small, with eyes so large and round it seemed dangerous.

“You can’t just put ‘space’ in front of a word,” he blushed. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? Can’t you bother a sheep herd?”

Instead of answering verbally, the wolf knew exactly what to do. She turned and sassily sashayed away, turning around at precisely the right moment, blowing the Time Pig a kiss… punctuated by a flirty wink. The Time Pig slammed the door shut and braced himself against it—he was in trouble.

The very next morning, the wolf went over to the Time Pig’s house just as normal. She knocked on the door and put on her sweetest voice as she asked:

“Time Pig, Time Pig, what is your name?”

“Please call me ‘the Doctor’; my real one’s rather lame.” He stepped out of his house and looked at her nervously. “We crash-landed here, in the middle of a trip. I plan on leaving with the others in our ship.”

“You’re from outer space—you’ve got all the time you want. Since that’s the case, care to go for a jaunt?”

She held out her paw and the wolf took it with his hoof. They traveled the lands, seeing things far and wide, having fun the entire time. When the ship was finished being repaired, the Time Pig offered her a spot with them amongst the stars, which she happily accepted.

The Three Time Pigs and the Wee Wolf had fun as they saw the galaxies. They met many peoples and saw many things, though the main thing to remember was that no one, and absolutely _no one_ , was to mess with the wolf, or they’d be sorry.


End file.
